Twelfth Night
by Blancwene
Summary: What do you get if you mix lost twins, mistaken identities, drunk pilots, stiff rulers, and Kyp Durron? A rather convoluted romantic comedy, based on Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare. NJO AU, J&TK, J&J.
1. Act I, Scene I

AN: I reread MianaKenobi's LOTR parody of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ last week, and was struck by a fit of inspiration. Shakespeare's play _Twelfth Night_ involves twins . . . and cross-dressing . . . and nobility . . . and humourous situations – and the EU provides some corresponding characters. So I began to "translate" _Twelfth Night_ into the GFFA. I've had to make some cuts, mostly involving the prank on Shawnkyr subplot, and some of the Wedge and Wes parts, because . . . well, if Hobbie's taking over Maria's role from the Shakespearean version, that creates some problems. 

I'll try to update at least once a week with half an act. Enjoy!

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**Twelfth Night**

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_Dramatis Personae_

Tenel Ka, Queen Mother of the Hapan Cluster.  
Jacen Solo  
Colonel Jagged Fel  
Jaina Solo, sister to Jacen.  
Kyp Durron, a Jedi Master, friend to Jaina.  
Vergere, mentor to Jacen.  
Zekk & Alema Rar, Jedi attending on the Queen.  
General Wedge Antilles, uncle to Jag.  
Captain Wes Janson  
Shawnkyr Nuruodo, Lieutenant to Jag.  
Face Loran  
Piggy saBinring, a Clown.  
Hobbie Klivian, Jag's custodian.

Jedi, Pilots, Politicians, and other Attendants.

SCENE: _The world of Hapes, and its planetary orbit_

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**ACT I**

_**Scene I. An apartment in the QUEEN's palace.**_

_Enter_ TENEL KA, ZEKK, _and other_ Jedi

**Tenel Ka  
**If swordplay be the clash of love, fight on;  
Give me the excess of it, that, surfeiting,  
The appetite may sicken, and so die.  
That stab again! it had a graceful move:  
O, it passed before my eye like the swift slash,  
That when choreographed by a brilliant mind,  
Becomes perfection! Enough; no more:  
'Tis not so thrilling now as was before.  
O spirit of defense, how quick thou art!  
That, nonwithstanding thy strong aptitude  
Thou accept only those who persevere,  
And tosses those of less stalwart mettle  
Back into poor abatement and low price,  
Even in a minute! so alike then is love,  
That it alone is high fantastical.

**Zekk  
**Will you go hunt, my queen?

**Tenel Ka  
**What, Zekk?

**Zekk  
**The Vong.

**Tenel Ka  
**Why, so I do, the noblest that I have:  
O, when mine eyes did see Jagged Fel first,  
Methought he brought an air of pestilence!  
That instant was I turn'd into a Vong;  
And my desires, like fell and cruel voxyn,  
E'er since pursue me.

_Enter_ ALEMA

How now! what news from him?

**Alema  
**So please my queen, I might not be admitted;  
But from his aide do return this answer:  
The vast expanse itself, till this war's end,  
Shall not behold his face at ample view;  
But, like a Tusken, he will veiled walk  
And plot the Vong's downfall both day and night  
With cunning intellect: all this to gain  
A victory, which he has often sought,  
So he might receive a much higher rank.

**Tenel Ka  
**O, he that hath a heart of that fine frame  
To work so hard but for the galaxy,  
How will he be, when love - the golden shaft  
Hath kill'd the flock of all interests else  
That live in him; when liver, brain and heart,  
These sovereign thrones, are all supplied, and fill'd  
His sweet obsessions with one astute queen!  
Away before me to my sparring room:  
Love-thoughts bloom best when wrestled out with doom.

_Exeunt_


	2. Act I, Scene II

_**Scene II. The planetary orbit.**_

_Enter _JACEN and VERGERE

**Jacen  
**What fair world, friend, is this?

**Vergere  
**This is Hapes, my boy.

**Jacen  
**And what should I do in Hapes?  
My sister she is now one with the Force.  
Perchance she is not dead: what think you, traitor?

**Vergere  
**It is perchance that you yourself were saved.

**Jacen  
**O my poor sister! and so perchance may she be.

**Vergere  
**True, Solo: and to comfort you with chance,  
Assure yourself, after I knocked you out,  
When you were taken far from Myrkr-land,  
I saw your sister slaughtering the Vong,  
Most provident in peril, strike them all  
With Force lightning like a Sith Lord of old,  
She retreated with others to shelter;  
Where, like one possessed of an awful wrath,  
I saw her hold acquaintance with the night  
So long as I could see.

**Jacen  
**For saying so, there's gold:  
Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,  
Whereto thy speech serves for authority,  
The like of her. Know'st thou this planet?

**Vergere  
**Ay, my boy, well; I have visited here once,  
Not three hours' travel from this very spot.

**Jacen  
**Who governs here?

**Vergere  
**A noble Queen, in nature as in name.

**Jacen  
**What is her name?

**Vergere  
**Tenel Ka.

**Jacen  
**Tenel Ka! I have heard my mother name her:  
She was a warrior then.

**Vergere  
**And so is now, or was so very late;  
For but a month ago I heard of news,  
And then 't was fresh in murmur,--as you know,  
What great ones do the less will prattle of,--  
That she did seek the love of Jagged Fel.

**Jacen  
**What's he?

**Vergere  
**A rigid Colonel, the son of a baron  
That deserted years back; he now remains  
To plot the defeat of those nasty Vong,  
An audacious goal; and for that reason,  
They say he hath abjured the company  
And sight of women.

**Jacen  
**O that I served that colonel,  
And might not be delivered to the world,  
Till I chose to tell my name and my story,  
At the proper time!

**Vergere **  
That were hard to encompass;  
Because he will admit no kind of suit,  
No, not the Queen's.

**Jacen **  
Forsooth, you speaketh sense, my wise teacher;  
And though advice may be valid or naught  
Oft you abetted me well in the past;  
I will believe thou hast a mind that suits  
With this thy honest, outward countenance.  
I prithee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,  
Conceal me what I am, and be my aid  
For such disguise as haply shall become  
The form of my intent. I'll serve this Queen:  
Thou shalt present me as a maid to her:  
It may be worth thy pains; for I can act,  
More feminine than others of my sex,  
And thus none will suspect of my true self.  
What else may hap to time I will commit;  
Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.

**Vergere **  
Be you her maid; your familiar I'll be:  
When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.

**Jacen **  
I thank thee: lead me on.

_Exeunt_


	3. Act I, Scene III

_**Scene III. JAG's house.**_

_Enter _WEDGE _and_ HOBBIE

**Wedge**  
What a plague means my nephew, to plot his military strategy thus? I am sure fastidiousness 's an enemy to life.

**Hobbie**  
By my troth, Antilles, you must come in earlier o' nights: your nephew, General, takes great exceptions to your piloting.

**Wedge**  
Why, let him except, before excepted.

**Hobbie  
**Aye, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of the law.

**Wedge  
**Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am: these clothes are good enough to fly in; and so be these boots too: and they be not, then let his orders hang themselves.

**Hobbie**  
That dogfighting and joyriding will undo you: I heard the Colonel talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish pilot that you brought in one night here to be his advisor.

**Wedge**  
Who, Captain Wes Janson?

**Hobbie**  
Aye, he.

**Wedge**  
He's as tall as any man in Hapes.

**Hobbie**  
What's that to the purpose?

**Wedge**  
Why, he has several barrels of Taanab fruit brandies.

**Hobbie**  
Aye, but he'll have but a month for all those brandies: he's a very fool and a prodigal.

**Wedge**  
By this hand, they are Peace Brigaders and turncoats that say so of him. Who are they?

**Hobbie**  
They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.

**Wedge**  
With drinking healths to victory: I'll drink to that as there is passage in my throat and drink in Hapes: he's a coward and a kriffer that will not drink to victory till his brains swim in a sea deeper than Mon Calamari. What, sulk! Fine; I go to find better company. 

_Exeunt_


	4. Act I, Scene IV

New scene! Jacen has entered the employ of Queen Tenel Ka, pretending to be a young maid named Jaysa. And it seems that Tenel Ka has a duty for him to perform . . . one that he finds slightly unpleasant, to say the least. Scene V is very long, so I'll put that up on Friday, to save my own sanity. Enjoy!

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**_Scene IV. The QUEEN's palace._**

_Enter_ ALEMA, _and_ JACEN _in woman's attire_

**Alema**  
If the Queen continue this kindness towards you, Jaysa, you are like to be much advanced; she hath known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

**Jacen**  
You either fear her humour or my carelessness, that you call in question the persistence of her partiality: is she constant, Jedi, in her favours?

**Alema**  
No, believe me.

**Jacen**  
I thank you. Here comes the Queen.

_Enter_ TENEL KA, ZEKK, _and other_ Jedi

**Tenel Ka**  
Who saw Jaysa?

**Jacen**  
In your attendance, milady; here.

**Tenel Ka**  
Stand you a while silent. Jaysa,  
Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd  
To thee the great desires of my heart:  
Therefore, good maid, present my case to Fel;  
Entreat him to listen, and dare not budge,  
And tell him, there thy fixed foot shall grow  
Till thou have audience.

**Jacen**  
Sure, my noble queen,  
If he be so abandon'd to his scheming  
As it is spoke, he never will admit me.

**Tenel Ka**  
Be clamorous and create boisterous scenes  
Rather than make unprofited return.

**Jacen**  
Say I do speak with him, milady, what then?

**Tenel Ka**  
O, then unfold the passion of my love,  
Unfold my depthless infatuation:  
It shall become thee well to act my woes;  
He will attend it better in thy youth  
Than in a messenger of more grave guise.

**Jacen**  
I think not so, milady.

**Tenel Ka**  
Dear girl, believe it;  
For they shall yet belie thy happy years,  
That say thou art a lass: Han Solo's lip  
Is not more rough and stubborn; thy deep pipe  
Is as a man's own voice, both low and rich;  
And all is semblative a masc'line part.  
I know that thou will play thy role correct  
For this affair. Some four or five attend him;  
Tolerate them if thou must; for they are fools  
And not worth thy notice. Prosper well in this,  
And thou shalt live as freely as thy queen,  
To call her fortunes thine.

**Jacen**  
I'll do my best  
To woo your colonel: _Aside_ yet, a tricky strife!  
For I wish rather that thou be my wife.

_Exeunt_


End file.
